"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
