im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
