we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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