i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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