So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
