Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
