so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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