So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
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it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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