I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
