He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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