when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
