I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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