When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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