you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
