She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
