I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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