omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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