You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
