at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
