U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
