I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
