If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
