she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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