dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
