i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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