You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
