I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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