I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
