I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
