apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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