You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
