I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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