is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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