It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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