I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
