my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
