I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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