Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i think i just lost a toe
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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