omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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