Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
