Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
