i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
