So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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