break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
