Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
