So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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