Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
