last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dicks are not precious.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize