U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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