That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
