He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
