We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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