Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
