I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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