I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have post one night stand depression
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
