is your mom at the bar?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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