I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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