so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
