I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i came on her dog
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
