He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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