Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
