I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
