The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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