Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
