dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
