You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
