ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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