you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
