just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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