I wish I could punch you in the face.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
